Caffeine is the most widely used drug in the world and, for me, the most addictive substance I have ever consumed. Most of us drink some form of caffeine daily without questioning it. As our world becomes more anxious, I must examine my daily choices and how they affect my mood and well-being.

I have been drinking caffeine for over 15 years, and my relationship with it has been complicated. It has been both my best friend and my worst enemy. During my 20s, when I partied like a rockstar, I was constantly dehydrated and consumed caffeine as if it were water. I drank coffee, tea, energy drinks, and even diet supplements. I was a mess and always hungover. After college, when I started smoking weed and using edibles, I needed even more caffeine because cannabis made me feel so tired. The more caffeine I consumed, the more dehydrated and anxious I became. No wonder my mental health was suffering.

So, why can caffeine make us anxious? It dehydrates us and releases adrenaline, which puts us in a state of fight-or-flight. Too much caffeine can lead to sweating, an increased heart rate, jitters, and feelings of stress or worry. I also learned that too much caffeine can result in injury, which happened to me repeatedly until I became more conscious of my diet and began to clean it up.

When I got sober over two years ago, I started to question everything I put into my body and realized my anxiety, worry, and paranoia were significantly heightened by caffeine. I noticed that as I lost weight, my sensitivity increased. During fasting, caffeine hit me hard; I would spiral into panic, feel terrible, and make reckless decisions. It made me hypomanic, agitated, and impulsive. Although I looked great as I lost weight, my mental health was not good.

The past year I have started my day with lemon water and black coffee or tea, and most days I did not consume solids until the early afternoon. However, this routine led to some problems. Two months ago, I went to the dentist, and they informed me that I was damaging my teeth with acid. This alarmed me. A week later, I ended up in the emergency room due to stomach pain. I began experiencing sharp pain in my stomach every time I ate, so I knew something was wrong. Had I taken fasting too far? No way! Not me lol. Over the years, I’ve learned that extremes are great teachers, and they have certainly taught me a lot.

As I sat in the hospital, the doctor informed me that too much acid and caffeine can cause stomach issues, especially on an empty stomach. I hated to hear this because I loved fasting and didn’t want to stop. In my mind, I had finally found a way to manage my weight easily, and I didn’t want to quit. However, I also knew I needed to change my habits or risk severe damage.

The following week, I underwent anesthesia and had an upper endoscopy to examine my stomach with a camera. The results showed inflammation in my lower stomach (my antrum). I was literally burning a hole in my stomach from acidic foods and caffeine. This scared me. The doctor prescribed me two medications, a proton pump inhibitor, and an H2 blocker, to reduce the amount of acid produced and help heal my stomach. I started taking the meds, but I knew that if I truly wanted to heal, I needed to get to the root of my problem and change my diet completely. I believe that while pills can alleviate symptoms, they do not heal us.

Cutting out acidic foods was not hard for me, but cutting out caffeine proved challenging. At first, I just removed the acidic foods but continued drinking small amounts of caffeine. However, each time I did, my stomach would hurt, so I decided I had to try to quit caffeine for at least a week.

I had no idea how addicted I was to caffeine until I attempted to take a break from it. On day one, I felt fine; it wasn’t too tricky. By the end of the night, I had a slight headache. Day two was tough. I experienced horrible headaches that felt like an ice pick stabbing me. I also had waves of negative thoughts with hints of depression. I took two aspirin with food, which relieved the headaches. By day three, I felt better—calm and at ease. I slept the best I had in weeks.

On day four, I felt a little tired and hungry and had sugar cravings. Going to the gym was harder, and I felt slow, but I managed to push through. I took a nap for the first time in months and felt peaceful. Day five hit me like a brick wall. I felt exhausted and had little motivation. My depression came roaring back. I started crying and felt lost and hopeless. I talked to my partner and decided to have a small cup of coffee in the afternoon and felt better. On day six, I woke up feeling horrible—so sad. So, I made another weak cup of coffee and felt great.

What happened when I reintroduced caffeine into my life after a break? It hit me much harder than before. At first, I had to opt for weaker tea and steer clear of coffee, as it kept me up at night. In the past, I could enjoy a caffeinated drink in the morning and another in the early afternoon, but that’s no longer an option for me. I’ve learned to stick to just one unless I absolutely need it.

After trying to quit caffeine for a week, I developed a deeper appreciation for its effects. I had no idea how much caffeine influenced my mood; for me, it acts like an antidepressant when I only have a little. I’ve learned that if I consume caffeine with food, I feel mentally and physically okay. Switching from coffee to tea most days has significantly helped my stomach, oral health, and overall mood.

Since I got sober I don’t like being addicted to anything. I used to go on autopilot, automatically brewing a cup of tea or coffee in the morning. Now, I begin each morning with super greens, salt water, and fresh juice, and I ask myself, “Do I need caffeine today?” If I wake up feeling awful or tired, I say yes, but if I feel okay, I say no. I source my energy from quality sleep, plenty of good water, a clean diet rich in plants and high-quality meat, and regular exercise. Whenever I feel tired, I need more water, exercise, food, or sleep—not excessive caffeine.

By reducing my caffeine intake, I’ve noticed many benefits. I feel calmer and less worried, sleep more deeply, and am less impulsive and anxious. I enjoy conducting self-experiments and enduring discomfort to see how various substances impact me. I find it very beneficial to analyze my diet, hydration, activities, and mindset. I now question everything I eat, drink, do, and believe, and make changes as needed.

Now I eat breakfast every morning and always add cream to my tea or coffee. Most days, I drink black tea and have coffee only occasionally. This change has helped heal my stomach and significantly improved my mental health. At first, I dreaded eating breakfast because I wasn’t hungry in the mornings, but I gradually got used to it. It has taken me two months, but I’ve mostly healed my stomach by adjusting my diet and I am improving my dental hygiene by flossing and brushing after every meal.

I love caffeine, but I now respect myself enough not to overindulge. Caffeine has a half-life of 6 to 9 hours, meaning you should have your last caffeinated drink at least 6 to 9 hours before bedtime to avoid sleep disruptions. If you struggle with anxiety or sleep issues, start questioning your caffeine habits. If you drink three cups, try having two instead. If you always have coffee, consider switching to tea. The past few months have been eye-opening for me. I respect caffeine and will do my best not to over consume it.

So, what do I do if I accidentally consume too much caffeine and feel its adverse effects? First and foremost, I hydrate, focusing on electrolytes. If I don’t have an electrolyte powder handy, I add a pinch of salt to my water. Next, I eat something to help absorb the caffeine. I also make sure to move my body; anxiety is just energy that needs to be released.

If I still don’t feel right, I take L-theanine, a fantastic natural amino acid supplement that calms me down—I absolutely love it! If I don’t have L-theanine available, I eat some eggs since they are packed with it, too. Deep breathing exercises also work wonders for me; I hold my breath for as long as possible and then exhale deeply over and over. It may seem a bit obnoxious, but it really helps. Occasionally, I’ll take an ice bath or a cold shower, and reading paperbacks is also incredibly soothing for my busy mind.

I always carry a gallon jug of water and refill my water bottle as needed to stay hydrated throughout the day, especially since caffeine dehydrates me. I also keep electrolyte powder on hand. While I previously used flavored electrolyte powders, I now stick to plain, all-natural ones since they’re gentler on my stomach.

To stick to my new lifestyle changes, I visualize caffeine and acidic foods as little facets burning tiny holes in my stomach if I consume them without eating first. I know that I must adhere to my new plan and remain consistent to heal. I’m committed to this path.

Healing and achieving good health are possible for everyone. You just need to be brave enough to question your daily habits. The wonderful part about being sober curious, or taking breaks from certain substances is that you learn so much about yourself and how to improve your quality of life. Once you decide to change, the universe will help you become the best version of yourself.

Changing one thing can transform your whole life. The only person you have to ask permission to change is you.

You can do it!