“Every Excuse You Make is Another Chain to Break”

I have fucked up my life a lot. For over a decade my bad habits were my best friends. I had a dangerous all-or-nothing mindset, going from zero to 100 without finding any middle ground – I was constantly overwhelmed, burnt out, and full of guilt. Not anymore.

The past few months I have done a complete 180. Now I focus on the Japanese principle of improving by just 1% each day. If you can become 1% better every day, you can end up 37% better in a year! Small steps lead to big results.

We’ve all heard the saying, “Old habits die hard.” But why is that?

Our brains seek comfort and normalcy; they thrive on routine, even if our routine is harming us. When you attempt to do something new, your brain reacts negatively, saying, “Hey, this is unsafe. Why can’t we just stick to our usual ways?” Don’t listen! Keep Going!

For me personally, returning to my old habits would have killed me, so I had to fight against my brain’s instincts and rewire it for new, safer, and healthier habits. If I can do it, you can too.

After restarting my life hundreds of times, I have developed a protocol that I would love to share with you. This blog is divided into 8 Parts – Thinking Patterns, Sleep, Water, Food, Exercise, Socializing, Financial Health, and the thing that has fucked me up the most, Substance Use.

If you are new to the concept of growth mindset, just try to tackle one area at a time. Also feel free to skip to any section of the blog you find helpful. Think of this as a guide you can come back to if needed. You got this!

1. THINKING PATTERNS

There is no greater virus than a negative thought; it can ruin your moment, your day, or even your life. Scary but true. You are what you think about all day… So what thoughts are you feeding your brain?(Information from Master Shi Heng Yi)

What drove me to self sabatoge and substance abuse were my toxic thoughts. They were literally making me anxious, depressed and sick. Our thoughts influence our lives every single day, every minute, and every second we are awake.

If you want to change your life for the better, you need to change your thoughts.

When you first begin changing your thoughts from negative to positive you will be horrified by how negative your thoughts are. This is completely normal. Our brain has a negativity bias that was designed for survival, but it no longer serves us in our modern life.

Grounding techniques, like mindful meditation, breath work, and positive affirmations, help me manage my aggressive anxiety and intense rumination. I often listen to positive thinking videos while I exercise, work or relax, and although it might feel awkward at first, it truly works.

If you are just getting started, I recommend setting a timer for 1 minute and closing your eyes to focus on your breath. Add 30 seconds each day until you find an amount of time that works for you. When negative thoughts arise, pretend you are blowing through a straw. Blow until that thought lessens in intensity.

As the negative thoughts come up, relax and release. Do not shove the thoughts back down. Relax and release them. This is your number one job for the rest of your life. Clear out the shitty thoughts so you have room for new positive ones. (I learned a lot of this from Louise Hay and the Michael Singer Podcast on YouTube. I listen to him almost every day.)

Remember : Every time you interrupt a negative thought it is like doing a pushup with your brain. Keep practicing! You Got This.

2. SLEEP

Next, let’s discuss the importance of sleep! Sleep is the number one performance-enhancing drug on the planet. It is also one of the most important factors for mental and physical health. When your sleep sucks, your life sucks – Everything is on hard mode. (Information inspired by Brian Johnson)

If you struggle with sleep, you are definitely not alone. I have dealt with insomnia or binge sleeping for most of my life. I now practice sleep hygiene as if it were my main job. My first tip and possibly the most important is to aim to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. Maintaining consistent sleep and wake times can be just as crucial as the total amount of sleep you get.

Acupuncture ear seeds have truly been a game changer for me and my sleep. I used to have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, not anymore. These inexpensive little anxiety stickers are placed on specific points of the outer ear, which cause constant acupressure, and stay on for 5 days at a time. You can get them online for under 10$ or at a Chinese Herbal Store.

I learned where to put the seeds from my community acupuncturist. You can also watch videos online. My boyfriend and I can’t get enough of them. We have never felt better. They also help with our anxiety, addictions, impulse control, and overall sense of well-being. I have been searching my whole life for these little ear seeds!

Next up is caffeine—it’s a major sleep disruptor. A cup of coffee or energy drink can have a half-life of 6 to 9 hours, so you should aim to have your last caffeinated beverage 6 to 9 hours before your planned bedtime. If you find it difficult to fall asleep, be mindful of your caffeine intake—how much and when you drink it. Also, try to limit liquid intake a couple of hours before bed and avoid intense exercise or sauna sessions too close to bedtime. (Information from Andrew Huberman)

Now focus on your meal timing. Aim to have your last meal at least 3 hours before going to sleep. This can be challenging, as I’ve struggled with night eating for much of my adult life. The reason for this cutoff is that if you eat too close to bedtime, your body focuses on digestion instead of resting. It’s important to give your body a chance to relax and repair.

If you need a snack before bed aim for something without sugar. When I eat sugar at night I get panicky anxiety in the morning. When I need to eat before bed I aim for cottage cheese, or another form of protein.

Supplements I recommend for sleep – L-theanine, Ashwagandha, 5htp, Magnesium, Valerian root, Tryptophan, CBD, and even tart cherry juice.

I DO NOT recommend taking melatonin, it has been shown to cause depression and negative effects in many individuals, myself included.

3. WATER WATER WATER

Now, let’s talk about hydration. Before having your morning coffee, start your day with water. Adding a pinch of pink salt to your water can provide valuable electrolytes. I usually mix plain electrolyte powder in my water in the morning before I have coffee. I take a mental health medication that makes me more susceptible to dehydration, so I need to prioritize my electrolytes. Plain water isn’t enough for me, so be aware of any medications, supplements, or caffeine that might contribute to dehydration.

As for the type of water I drink, I prefer spring water but also enjoy filtered water – I do my best to avoid all fluoride in water. I love trying new waters from around the world—it’s a fun and healthy treat. I also splurge on natural coconut water after a good workout.

Getting healthy doesn’t have to be boring! If I could afford alcohol, weed, cigarettes and junk food in the past, I can certainly afford to invest in good-quality water and healthy food. My health is my number one investment. Always.

How much water do I drink in a day? It depends on my activity level, but I drink close to a gallon everyday. This is what works for me. If you struggle to drink enough water I would recommend getting a one liter water bottle, bedazzling it or putting rad stickers all over it, and drinking one of these a day. Gradually drink a 2nd one. Start slow. Adding more water to your daily routine will give you more energy and improve your overall wellbeing. Oftentimes when we feel hungry or tired, we really just need water. Drink that sexy water!

4. FOOD

Speaking of nutritious food, many people are often confused about what to eat. I study “Blue Zones” around the world and try to incorporate aspects of their daily routines and diets. My personal nutrition goal is to follow a Paleo Mediterranean diet. It encourages lean proteins, healthy fats, and a high intake of vegetables and moderate amounts of fruits, nuts, and seeds. While I am not plant-based, I focus on including a lot of fruits, vegetables, and fermented foods in my meals.

My motto lately has been – “I don’t eat bad food.” If I don’t want to eat it, I don’t buy it and I definitely don’t bring it into my house. I am by no means perfect, but I get better everyday because I live an intentional life now. I highly recommend tracking your meals for just one week; it’s an enlightening way to become more aware of your eating habits.

If you’re unsure where to start, eggs and a smoothie are excellent choices for breakfast. Win breakfast every morning to set yourself up for success. If you don’t eat eggs, find a source of protein that you enjoy to help keep you full. I love making smoothies; they’re healthy and fun to prepare. My go-to smoothie includes dates, strawberries, mango, blueberries, raspberries, bananas, avocado, flaxseed and super greens powder.

Pro Tip : The avocado adds creaminess and prevents separation. You can also add protein powder, my favorite is the pea protein by Orgain. Swap artificial sugars with maple syrup or honey to prevent glucose crashes.

5. EXERCISE

Now, let’s talk about exercise. The most important exercise is the one you will actually do. The healthiest people in the world don’t necessarily go to the gym; they walk and work with their hands. Start walking—it’s one of the best forms of exercise. Start tracking your daily steps on your phone or with a watch. Set a goal and go for it. If you walk 2k try 4k, if you walk 4k try 8k. I personally aim for at least 8 thousand steps a day.

We spend too much time indoors, so we need to get outside. Bundle up and take a walk around your beautiful town, visit a park, or hit a hiking trail. If you can’t go outside, consider investing in a walking pad or getting a reasonably priced gym or community center membership.

People who live the longest tend to walk a lot. If you want to add more variety, weight lifting, tai chi, yoga, swimming, biking, racket sports, running, and dancing are great options. Follow fitness influencers or personal trainers and learn new forms of exercise and meal plans. Have fun! Your body and mind will thank you.

Remember : You can’t exercise your way out of a bad diet. I tried for years! It doesn’t work. “Your body becomes what you consume. Your mind becomes what you consume. Be careful with how you feed both.”

6. SOCIALIZING

Let’s also emphasize the importance of social connections. We are social creatures, and we need each other. I always feel better when I’m around my supportive coworkers, friends, family, partner, and kitty. When I spend too much time alone my thoughts go dark, so I need people. Especially strangers.

When I first got sober, it felt like my social life was over, but it was just changing and transforming. I eventually found my tribe, and I am grateful for that every day. In the past, I would cancel plans with friends when I was smoking weed and miss out on the good parts of life. Not anymore. I would much rather spend time with friends than be high and alone.

Making friends as an adult can be weird. I meet most of my friends through work, sober groups, exercise classes, church, and meetups. You can even hire a friend for an event if needed. There are so many ways to connect these days!

Remember : If you want to be healthy, surround yourself with healthy people. If the people in your life are bringing you down, maybe you need more healthy and positive people. Sometimes we have to go through a lonely chapter to find our higher and best selves.

7. FINANCES

Another important point is that we can’t feel good and healthy if our finances are in disarray. I’ve personally struggled with overspending and overconsuming for most of my life. I used to get a rush from depleting my bank accounts, spending other people’s money, taking out student loans and accumulating credit card debt. Not anymore! After years of effort and learning, I’ve managed to eliminate over $18,000 in debt, and am completely debt free. No credit card debt, no car payment, and no student loans. While I’m not an expert, I have a few tips that have helped me.

Now when I look around my apartment, I realize that every item I own used to be money. When making a purchase, I ask myself how many hours of work it took to earn that money. I learned how to make a budget, track my expenses monthly, and created an emergency fund and opened a Roth IRA, which have greatly helped me. I also adopted the principle of micro saving, in which I use an app called Opportun that pulls small amounts from my checking account every week and puts it into a savings account for me. It adds up quickly, and you don’t even know you are doing it!

When my spending gets out of control, I take a moment to pause and track my expenses using a notepad. I recommend tracking everything you spend for one week; it can transform the way you think about money. Personally, I avoid online shopping unless it’s absolutely necessary, and I stay off all social media to prevent unnecessary spending. I also embrace “no-spend” days, where I choose specific days to avoid spending any money at all. To save my hard-earned cash, I cook at home or buy ready-made meals from the grocery store. I don’t do fast food and refrain from using delivery apps.

If you’re struggling with debt, you’re not alone! I learn from financial experts on YouTube, like Dave Ramsey, Zac Rios, and Various Female Budgeters, who have taught me a lot. Awareness is key—start small, even with $20 a week towards your debt. You can do it!
 
8. SUBSTANCE USE

Alcohol and weed have fucked my life the hardest. In fact, quitting booze 3 years ago is the most impactful thing I have ever done for myself. After 15 years of drinking, I faced alcohol poisoning, injuries, horrible acne, weight gain, financial despair, sexual assault and a chaotic life that nearly cost me my college graduation. It took almost a decade of trying to quit before I succeeded, and now I’m proud to say by the grace of Buddha I’m free from alcohol.

After quitting booze, I turned to weed for harm reduction, but I found myself binge-smoking and feeling depressed, unmotivated, and unhealthy. I rotted away on the couch while shoving my face with sugary toxic junk and binge watching trash tv. I was slowly putting on weight, and draining my savings. While quitting weed is one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I still struggle, it is so worth the effort. Everyday I am clean and sober my life gets better. But everyday I use my life gets worse.

While I don’t judge others for using and boozing and don’t think everyone needs to be sober by any means, it’s crucial to understand the risks of alcohol and cannabis. Alcohol is classified as a Group 1 Carcinogen and is linked to over 7 types of Cancer.

Drinking kills millions of people every year but is still glamorized by fake ass advertisements. The alcohol industry spends huge money to prevent proper warning labels to be placed on wine, liquor and beer bottles.

Weed also has its risks, especially vaping weed. Cannabis smoke contains toxins and carcinogens similar to tobacco, damaging airways, the lungs, and increasing infection risk. Heavy use can cause dependence and mental health issues like paranoia, anxiety, and psychosis, especially in vulnerable individuals.

If you find binge drinking or smoking is affecting your life, consider adopting the sober curious movement and taking a break – Dry January is right around the corner.

I practice a Buddhist-style recovery approach, such as Recovery Dharma and Refuge Recovery. You can find meetings online and in most major cities. I also use the free “I Am Sober” app to track my sobriety streaks. It is like a facebook for sober and sober curious people. I love getting a good sobriety streak. Come streaking with me!

Pro Tip : It’s normal to feel scared to give up something you love or previously enjoyed – But alcohol and drugs will always be there, so don’t worry about taking a break. Confidence comes from not lying to yourself. Do what is best for you!

If you made it to the end of this long blog, Go YOU! I genuinely hope this message ignites a spark in you. I’ve transformed my life countless times, and each journey has brought me to a brighter place. There’s an undeniable voice within you, urging you to reclaim your life — answer the call!

Remember, the only true failure lies in giving up. So, stand strong and never, ever, ever surrender! You’ve got this, and the best is yet to come!